It was all so stupid really. I wanted a piece of toast. My 90 year old grandfather gave me some homemade strawberry fig jelly and I desperately wanted some jelly toast. The baby had been crying all evening, I finally had him asleep and really did not want him to wake up, so I sat on the couch with him, motionless. This toast deal is kind of a thing for us in the evenings as dessert. Yeah, toast for dessert… I don’t get out much! I digress.
Anyway, my 15 year old walks into the kitchen and heads for the toaster, bread in hand. So, I ask him to throw a piece of toast in for me. A few minutes later the toaster dings and my son returns to make his toast.
I simply ask, “Can you make mine, too?”
He sighs and asks, “What do you want on yours?”
Of course, I say, “Butter and strawberry jelly”.
He sighs again and I can tell he does not want to make my toast. I don’t understand. Isn’t it all just sitting out? How hard can this be?
He says that he made himself honey bread which means that he’d have to get out the jelly.
“Seriously?” I think, “You can’t make your mother a simple piece of toast because it’s too difficult to get out a jar of jelly?”
I can’t remember what I said, but the matter drops and he disappears to play computer games or whatever. And here I am with my big fat feelings hurt!
My toast sits out for an hour or more and my son returns to see that it’s still sitting there.
“Mom, your toast is still over here.”
“Yeah, my son wouldn’t make it for me, so I didn’t get to eat it and now it’s cold,” I say with a smirk. And off to bed I go with feelings hurt. And I wake up the same way.
The way I see it I could have handled this a few different ways.
1– Require him to make my toast. He would have obeyed; he’s like that. But then he would have been mad.
2– Confront him later and explain how he hurt my feelings. However, by my comment during the incident he already knows I’m upset.
3– Do nothing.
But if I do nothing would I allow bitter roots to grow or allow it to cause negative thoughts? Would I do something like ignore him for a while and then bring it up again? Or allow thoughts like, “My kids are lazy, selfish brats who don’t care if I live or die. Maybe I should just quit cooking 21 meals each week and see how they like that!”
Biblically, verses like these come to mind.
“But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn to them the other also. If someone takes your coat, do not withhold your shirt from them.”
Luke 6:27–29 NIV
“He was oppressed and afflicted, yet he did not open his mouth; he was led like a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before its shearers is silent, so he did not open his mouth.”
Isaiah 53:7 NIV
I don’t have the answers. I really don’t. He knows he should have made the silly toast for me. And so I decide to forgive. And forget. And keep serving. Day after day.
“Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for each other, love one another deeply, from the heart.”
1 Peter 1:22 NIV
What would you have done?
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3 thoughts on “When your Teenager Hurts Your Feelings”
Well I probably, most times, is sister he make the toast. But I’m not convinced thats always the right answer. I’ve also learned that letting them sit in their choices is a quicker way for them to change their tune–took me years to realize this (& it doesn’t always happen). Or you could just get your teenager to look after the baby for an overnight and a day.
Yes, having him look after the baby overnight would definitely fix him. Ha!
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Oops sp mistake–i meant insist not is sister.